How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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