Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
