I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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