Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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