I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
