just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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