are you still at the devil's house?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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