Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
