I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
