He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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