i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You smell like stripper and shame
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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