you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
