So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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