we have pet lesbian snakes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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