She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
birth control should be required to get into college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
