my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When are your genitals available?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
