If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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