there's paper in my vomit.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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