Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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