Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
