She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
