It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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