Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
