I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
