Christians are straight up FREAKS
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
