I puked a lego.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
