I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So many bounce houses so little time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
