Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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