I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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