its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
