your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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