She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
