oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
