I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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