this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
