remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
