I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
