Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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