who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
