My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
