She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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