I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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