u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
