yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
