Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
