I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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