I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
