I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
