I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
