Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Welp...herpes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
