I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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