you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
